Alex Bruno
In a turn of events that no one saw coming, Tucker Carlson, the television personality known for his fiery political commentaries and impassioned monologues, has found himself a new crusade – a beer boycott. Yes, you heard it right. In a saga that has beer lovers and casual observers alike rolling their eyes in bemusement, Carlson has vowed to never let another Bud Light pass his lips. His announcement, served with the dramatic flourish that only Carlson can pull off, has left the world, or at least the portion of it that follows him on social media, in stitches.
The saga began when Bud Light, in an apparently misguided public relations move, sent a supply of their signature beer to Dylan Mulvaney. The actress, never one to shy away from the limelight, promptly posted a video of her Bud Light bounty on TikTok and Instagram. Unbeknownst to her, and most likely to the executives at Bud Light, this action would trigger a chain of events leading to a full-blown boycott.
Upon seeing the posts, Carlson, known for his sometimes confrontational style, launched into a diatribe against the beer brand on his popular Twitter show. With a straight face that belied the ridiculousness of the situation, Carlson declared, “That’s it! I’m done with this sh**ty beer!” For those unfamiliar with Carlson’s love for hyperbole, the announcement must have seemed as ludicrous as it was unexpected.
Carlson continued, his voice rising in dramatic intensity, to explain his grievance. According to him, Bud Light’s PR stunt was the final straw in a long history of dissatisfaction with the brand. He lamented the taste of Bud Light, comparing it to dishwater. His disgust was evident as he held up a can of Bud Light with a look of contempt, declaring, “We can do better than this!”
As Carlson’s fans watched in bemused surprise, he went on to detail his plans for a future free of Bud Light. This involved a quest for the ‘true American beer,’ a journey that, according to him, would take him through microbreweries and beer festivals across the country. “I will not rest until I find a beer worthy of the American people!” he declared with a fervor more befitting a presidential candidate than a beer enthusiast.
In the aftermath of Carlson’s announcement, the public reaction has been a mix of amusement, bewilderment, and, in some cases, wholehearted support. Twitter has been inundated with hashtags like #BoycottBudLight and #CarlsonsCrusade. Even Dylan Mulvaney herself got in on the action, tweeting, “Thanks @TuckerCarlson. More Bud Light for me!”
But what of Bud Light? They responded with good humor, tweeting, “We’re sorry to hear you’re not a fan, Tucker. We’ll be sure to keep your thoughts in mind as we continue brewing America’s favorite light beer.” Whether this was a veiled attempt to placate Carlson or a simple dismissal of his boycott is anyone’s guess.
As this saga unfolds, it’s clear that the real winner here is satire. In a world often bogged down by political strife and global crises, the sight of a news commentator launching a full-blown crusade against a beer brand is a welcome dose of hilarity. It’s a reminder that, amidst the chaos, there is still room for absurdity and laughter.
So here’s to Tucker Carlson, to his quest for the perfect beer, and to the unwitting instigator, Dylan Mulvaney. May this beer saga continue to serve as a source of amusement in our otherwise serious world. And as for the rest of us? We’ll be watching the drama unfold, preferably with a cold Bud Light in hand.
