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in SatireNFL Permanently Bans ‘Black National Anthem’: “There Was And Will Be Only One National Anthem”
In a move sure to spark debates that will last well into the next NFL season (and probably the next century), the NFL has officially banned the performance of “Lift Every Voice and Sing,” commonly referred to as the Black national anthem. The announcement comes after several seasons of the league quietly incorporating the song […] More
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in SatireTim Walz To Move To China Permanently, “Forget It, Maybe China’s The Place For Me. I’d Get More Respect Over There.”
In a turn of events so bizarre it sounds more like a parody of 2024 politics than reality, Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz is reportedly considering relocating to China. Yes, China—because when you’re being roasted by the media, mocked by distant relatives in Trump shirts, and dunked on by Shaquille O’Neal, apparently […] More
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in SatireBREAKING: Texas Declares Bringing a Pride Flag to School a Criminal Offense
In a move that has the country scratching its head (and some classrooms rapidly rethinking their décor choices), Texas has officially made it a crime to bring a Pride flag into a school. Yes, you read that right. If you so much as think about hanging a rainbow in your classroom, Texas will be ready […] More
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in SatireSylvester Stallone Rejects Disney’s $2 Billion Project: “Don’t Want That Wokeness In My Life”
In a move that shocked the entertainment industry, Hollywood legend Sylvester Stallone has turned down a $2 billion offer from Disney, choosing instead to walk away from what could have been one of the biggest paydays of his career. Stallone, famous for his no-nonsense, tough-guy persona both on and off-screen, reportedly cited Disney’s increasing emphasis […] More
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in SatireCoach Belichick Makes It Clear: ‘There Won’t Be Any Anthem Kneeling This Season’
Foxborough, MA — In a move that’s equal parts shocking and expected, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has declared that kneeling during the national anthem will not be tolerated this season. The legendary coach, known for his stern demeanor and a wardrobe that consists almost entirely of sleeveless hoodies, made the announcement during […] More
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in SatireDunkin’ Donuts CEO Reveals $1.3 Billion Loss After Going Woke: “We Won’t Try That Again”
In a startling admission that has shaken the very foundation of breakfast culture, Dunkin’ Donuts CEO Dave Hoffmann revealed this week that the company has suffered a catastrophic $1.3 billion loss after their recent attempt to embrace “woke” politics. The revelation comes as a bitter pill for the doughnut giant, which has long been America’s […] More
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in SatireTim Walz To Leave The US Permanently, “No Respect for Me Here”
In a turn of events that could only happen in the fever dream that is the 2024 election cycle, Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz is reportedly contemplating leaving the United States for good. His reason? Apparently, the man has had enough. “There’s no respect for me here,” he allegedly told close aides […] More
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in SatireTim Walz Banned from Shaq’s Restaurant: “You’re No Longer Welcome, Total Letdown”
In a bizarre but headline-worthy turn of events, NBA legend and celebrated restaurateur Shaquille O’Neal reportedly threw Minnesota Governor and 2024 Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz out of his popular restaurant, Big Chicken, after what can only be described as the most awkward meal attempt in modern political history. Eyewitnesses say the towering basketball icon […] More
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in SatireBreaking: 15 Players Were Disqualified For Anthem Kneeling At The NFL Opening Ceremony, “Kneel For The Flag”
In a move that can only be described as a masterclass in prioritizing optics over athleticism, the NFL kicked off its new season by disqualifying 15 players for kneeling during the national anthem at the opening ceremony. That’s right—15 professional athletes, some of whom are key players on their respective teams, were given the boot […] More
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in SatireTim Walz’s Own Family Disown Him, Brother Says “He Tanked Family Business, We Don’t Support Him”
In a stunning twist of family and politics, Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz has found himself disowned by his own brother, who recently claimed that Walz not only failed his family but actively “tanked” their once-thriving business. The shocking familial fallout has rocked the 2024 election cycle, turning what was already a […] More
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in SatirePittsburgh Steelers Refuse To Participate In Pride Night: “It’s Extremely Woke”
In a move that has sent shockwaves through both the sports world and the broader cultural landscape, the Pittsburgh Steelers have officially refused to participate in an upcoming Pride Night event, claiming that the celebration is “extremely woke.” The decision, which has ignited passionate debates on social media, marks the first time a major NFL […] More
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in SatireElon Musk: “We need more journalists like Tucker Carlson and less like Rachel Maddow!”
In a bold move that has the media world buzzing, tech billionaire Elon Musk has announced plans to fund a new anti-woke show starring none other than Tucker Carlson. Known for his provocative and unabashedly conservative viewpoints, Carlson has been a prominent figure in the media for years, and Musk’s support only solidifies his position […] More
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