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in SatireCMA Bans Beyoncé for Life After Snubbing Her Country Album: “She’ll Never Be Country”
In a move that has left music fans everywhere stunned, Beyoncé has been banned from the Country Music Association (CMA) for life. The decision, which came after her latest album, Cowboy Carter, received zero nominations for this year’s CMA Awards, has ignited a firestorm of controversy in the entertainment industry. “She can never be country,” […] More
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Taylor Swift Picks A Side, Endorses Kamala Harris: ‘She’s the Role Model America Needs’
In a political endorsement that no one saw coming but somehow makes perfect sense in 2024, pop sensation Taylor Swift has officially endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris for president. Yes, that Taylor Swift—the woman who has taken the world by storm with her heartfelt ballads, breakup anthems, and re-recordings of albums. And yes, that Kamala […] More
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in SatireSteelers Follow Chiefs in Boycotting Pride Nights: “Satanic And Purely Woke Agenda”
In what can only be described as the NFL’s most baffling game plan to date, the Pittsburgh Steelers have announced they will be boycotting all Pride Nights going forward, following in the hallowed footsteps of the Kansas City Chiefs. The Steelers, a team historically known for their tough defense and ability to lose Super Bowls […] More
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in SatireNFL Permanently Bans ‘Black National Anthem’: “There Was And Will Be Only One National Anthem”
In a move sure to spark debates that will last well into the next NFL season (and probably the next century), the NFL has officially banned the performance of “Lift Every Voice and Sing,” commonly referred to as the Black national anthem. The announcement comes after several seasons of the league quietly incorporating the song […] More
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in SatireTim Walz To Move To China Permanently, “Forget It, Maybe China’s The Place For Me. I’d Get More Respect Over There.”
In a turn of events so bizarre it sounds more like a parody of 2024 politics than reality, Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz is reportedly considering relocating to China. Yes, China—because when you’re being roasted by the media, mocked by distant relatives in Trump shirts, and dunked on by Shaquille O’Neal, apparently […] More
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in SatireBREAKING: Texas Declares Bringing a Pride Flag to School a Criminal Offense
In a move that has the country scratching its head (and some classrooms rapidly rethinking their décor choices), Texas has officially made it a crime to bring a Pride flag into a school. Yes, you read that right. If you so much as think about hanging a rainbow in your classroom, Texas will be ready […] More
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in SatireSylvester Stallone Rejects Disney’s $2 Billion Project: “Don’t Want That Wokeness In My Life”
In a move that shocked the entertainment industry, Hollywood legend Sylvester Stallone has turned down a $2 billion offer from Disney, choosing instead to walk away from what could have been one of the biggest paydays of his career. Stallone, famous for his no-nonsense, tough-guy persona both on and off-screen, reportedly cited Disney’s increasing emphasis […] More
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in SatireDunkin’ Donuts CEO Reveals $1.3 Billion Loss After Going Woke: “We Won’t Try That Again”
In a startling admission that has shaken the very foundation of breakfast culture, Dunkin’ Donuts CEO Dave Hoffmann revealed this week that the company has suffered a catastrophic $1.3 billion loss after their recent attempt to embrace “woke” politics. The revelation comes as a bitter pill for the doughnut giant, which has long been America’s […] More
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Tim Walz To Leave The US Permanently, “No Respect for Me Here”
In a turn of events that could only happen in the fever dream that is the 2024 election cycle, Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz is reportedly contemplating leaving the United States for good. His reason? Apparently, the man has had enough. “There’s no respect for me here,” he allegedly told close aides […] More
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in SatireTim Walz Banned from Shaq’s Restaurant: “You’re No Longer Welcome, Total Letdown”
In a bizarre but headline-worthy turn of events, NBA legend and celebrated restaurateur Shaquille O’Neal reportedly threw Minnesota Governor and 2024 Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz out of his popular restaurant, Big Chicken, after what can only be described as the most awkward meal attempt in modern political history. Eyewitnesses say the towering basketball icon […] More
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