Alex Bruno
Elon Musk, tech mogul and mastermind behind companies like Tesla and SpaceX, has once again set the internet abuzz. This time, it’s not an electric car, a spaceship, or even another tweet that’s stirring up a storm – it’s an app. The purpose of this app? To identify ‘woke’ individuals in your vicinity, taking satire to a new, digital level.
Dubbed the ‘Woke-ometer,’ the app uses a complex algorithm to detect levels of ‘wokeness’ in the people around you. The algorithm, according to Musk, incorporates a person’s social media posts, affiliations, and even their choice of coffee order (because nothing screams ‘woke’ like a triple, venti, soy, no foam latte).
“The Woke-ometer is a game-changer,” Musk announced on Twitter. “Now, you can avoid unwanted political debates at family dinners, dodge woke individuals at parties, and most importantly, ensure you aren’t unwittingly sipping on ‘woke’ beer.”
The response to Musk’s announcement has been as polarized as you’d expect. Critics argue the app is a gross invasion of privacy and fosters divisiveness. Meanwhile, supporters are praising it as an ingenious invention, with one user on Twitter dubbing it “the greatest thing since sliced bread or, dare I say, Bitcoin.”
Despite the controversy, the Woke-ometer has experienced an astonishing number of downloads within hours of its release. Many are eager to test it out, with some sharing their ‘woke’ scores on social media. Among these early adopters, several celebrities and public figures have found themselves with surprisingly high ‘woke’ ratings, including Whoopi Goldberg, reportedly scoring a record-breaking 97 out of 100.
The Woke-ometer’s release wasn’t entirely without hiccups, though. In one hilarious twist, Musk himself was rated 76 on the ‘woke’ scale. In response, the billionaire playfully tweeted, “Guess I need to cut down on my soy lattes.”
The rise of the Woke-ometer also led to the emergence of ‘woke’-themed parties, where attendees flaunt their ‘woke’ scores. Online forums are buzzing with discussions on how to reduce one’s ‘woke’ rating or, conversely, how to elevate it.
In all seriousness, the Woke-ometer is unlikely to lead to any meaningful discourse on social or political issues. Still, it undoubtedly adds another layer to the ongoing discussion around ‘wokeness.’ Amidst the chaos, one thing is sure – Musk has once again managed to dominate the news cycle, this time with an app that is as amusing as it is controversial.
While it’s unclear what long-term impact the Woke-ometer will have, one thing is clear: it has certainly given us something to talk, tweet, and argue about, all while providing a satirical commentary on today’s hyper-aware society.
So, as we navigate this increasingly ‘woke’ world, we can now turn to our phones for guidance. After all, in the words of Elon Musk himself, “Who needs a moral compass when you’ve got a Woke-ometer?”
