Alex Bruno
In a shocking turn of events, Denzel Washington, the actor known for his nuanced portrayals of complex characters, has turned down a whopping $50 million project with Disney. The reason? According to Washington, Disney is “just too woke” for him. While some might see this as a principled stand, others are left wondering if Washington’s alarm clock is just set a few hours behind the times.
Over the past few years, Disney has been on a mission to out-woke every other studio in Hollywood. From introducing a princess who’s passionate about recycling to a prince who’s a vocal advocate for veganism, Disney has been ticking off every box in the progressive handbook. Rumor has it that their next project involves a musical number about composting set in the world of “Frozen”. Elsa and Anna singing about the benefits of organic waste? Now that’s a sequel worth waiting for.
Denzel, however, seems to have missed the memo about Hollywood’s new direction. When asked about his decision, he remarked, “I just wanted to do a film about a regular guy who recycles because it’s the right thing to do, not because he’s trying to impress his eco-conscious love interest.” Ah, the good old days when characters had depth beyond their recycling habits.
Hollywood, never one to shy away from a juicy story, has had mixed reactions to Washington’s decision. One anonymous director remarked, “I always knew Denzel was a method actor, but I didn’t realize his method involved living under a rock.” Meanwhile, a prominent actress was overheard saying, “If being woke means getting $50 million, then someone please hand me an alarm clock.”
Of course, the fans had a field day on social media. #TooWokeForDenzel started trending, with many sharing memes of Washington looking confused by modern trends like avocado toast and electric cars. One fan tweeted, “Denzel rejects $50 million because of wokeness? Guess he won’t be buying that eco-friendly mansion anytime soon.”
While it remains to be seen if Denzel Washington’s stand against excessive wokeness will impact his career, one thing is clear: in the ever-evolving world of Hollywood, it’s essential to keep up with the times, even if it means setting your alarm clock a little earlier. As for Disney, they’re reportedly in talks with another actor who’s more in tune with their vision. Word on the street is that he’s a passionate advocate for sustainable fashion and has a pet alpaca named “Eco”. Stay tuned for more updates.
