Wokeness
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“No Wokeness Allowed”: Elon Musk Bans All Disney Ads From X
In a surprising turn of events, Elon Musk, the maverick CEO of X Corp, has made headlines by banning Disney ads from the platform, declaring a strict policy against what he terms as “wokeness.” This bold move has ignited a fierce debate about the role of corporate activism, freedom of expression, and the boundaries of […] More
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‘A Bit Too Woke for Us’: Nike Ends $20 Million partnership with Colin Kaepernick
In a shockingly candid press release this morning, Nike, the global sportswear titan, announced the termination of its $20 million partnership with Colin Kaepernick. The reason? The former NFL quarterback is, in Nike’s own words, “perhaps a tad too woke for our tastes.” Kaepernick, the man behind the controversial NFL kneeling movement, had been working […] More
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‘Don’t Want Wokeness In My Life’: Sylvester Stallone Rejects Disney’s $500 Million ‘Woke’ Movie Offer
In a move that has left Hollywood’s elite clutching their organic, sustainably-sourced pearls, Sylvester Stallone, the man who taught us all to “fight for what’s right” in a boxing ring, has turned down a staggering $500 million movie offer from Disney. His reason? He’s had enough of the “woke crap.” While some might see this […] More
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Breaking: Denzel Washington Declines Disney’s $50 Million Project, ‘They’re Too Woke’
In a shocking turn of events, Denzel Washington, the actor known for his nuanced portrayals of complex characters, has turned down a whopping $50 million project with Disney. The reason? According to Washington, Disney is “just too woke” for him. While some might see this as a principled stand, others are left wondering if Washington’s […] More
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Breaking: Bud Light Finally Replaced With A Non-Woke Beer
In a startling move designed to cater to an ever-growing market of those offended by the mere existence of societal progress, beer giant Anheuser-Busch has launched its newest product: ‘Murica Suds. In the wake of the divisive “Easy Carry Contest” featuring transgender TikTok star Dylan Mulvaney, many were left yearning for a beer that felt […] More
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Breaking: Elon Musk’s Tesla AI Tags Bud Light Trucks As ‘Woke’
In the latest twist of the ongoing Bud Light saga, Tesla’s self-driving cars have reportedly started to recognize Bud Light’s trucks as ‘woke.’ This unexpected turn of events came to light when a Tesla owner noticed the unusual description on their vehicle’s speedometer during a routine drive. The incident was captured when Twitter user @ElectricDrive, […] More
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NHL Teams: No More Pride Outfits, ‘We Look Stupid’
In a move that left even the Zamboni driver slack-jawed, the National Hockey League (NHL) announced this week that they would discontinue their use of “pride outfits,” confessing that they felt they looked a little… ridiculous. You could almost hear the muffled giggles of players across the country, decked out in their color-coordinated, regular uniforms […] More
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New: Bud Light Messes It Up Again, Introduces A New Rainbow Themed Beer Can To Support ‘Wokeness’
It seems that Bud Light is on a roll these days, and unfortunately, it’s not in a good way. In a classic example of “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” the beer giant seems to be looking for redemption after losing its throne in the American beer market. But this time, their […] More
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Elon Musk: ‘Woke Mind Virus Should Be Destroyed Just Like Bud Light’
In a startling twist of events, Tesla CEO and Twitter’s newest kingpin, Elon Musk, has drawn an analogy that is as unusual as his regular tweets. He recently took to Twitter and compared the ‘woke mind virus’ to… wait for it… Bud Light. Yes, you read that right, the man who sent a car to […] More
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Go Woke, Go Broke: Disney’s New Ultra Woke Movie Crashes At The Box Office, 2nd Worst Opening Ever
Disney’s recent animation, Elemental, did not quite make the splash it hoped for during its opening weekend. With a mere $29.5 million yield, the film just barely surpassed the lowest opening weekend record for a Pixar film, previously held by 1995’s Toy Story 2. Looking back, Toy Story 2 debuted with $29 million, only slightly […] More
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Just in: Disney CEO Publicly Admits Wokeness, ‘Yes We’re Woke, There’s No Denying in It’
As the classic Disney tune goes, “When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true.” But in an unprecedented move, Disney CEO has publicly confirmed that the dreams coming true at Disney are increasingly Woke ones. Speaking from a press conference at Cinderella’s Castle, the CEO made the startling admission. “Yes, we’re Woke,” said […] More
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‘No More Wokeness Here’: Elon Musk Bans Pride Celebration At Twitter HQ
Ever since taking the helm of Twitter, Elon Musk has been no stranger to controversy and daring decisions. His latest move, however, may be his boldest yet. In a sweeping policy change, Musk announced the cancellation of Pride celebrations at Twitter’s Headquarters, stating emphatically, “No More Wokeness Here.” It’s a striking step, especially considering the […] More