Alex Bruno
In a move that could only be described as both extreme and utterly predictable in today’s media climate, ABC has decided to fire its entire staff following the monumental backlash over their handling of the Trump vs. Kamala Harris debate. From seasoned anchors to the guy who restocks the snack machines, no one was spared in ABC’s bold attempt to save face.
The decision has left industry insiders stunned, with many wondering if this is the beginning of a trend where networks purge their entire workforce to avoid the fallout from public opinion. The move comes after weeks of relentless criticism from both ends of the political spectrum, as ABC found itself trapped in the no-man’s land between fact-checking, fairness, and ratings.
“We’ve decided the best way forward is to clean house—literally. Everyone had to go,” said one anonymous ABC executive. “We can’t afford to have anyone left who might be blamed for any future controversies, so this is our way of hitting the reset button. If no one’s left to fact-check, no one can complain about the fact-checking.”
It all started with what was supposed to be the debate of the century. ABC had landed the exclusive rights to moderate a head-to-head showdown between former President Donald Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris. The nation tuned in, expecting the usual sparks, accusations, and a few memorable one-liners. But what viewers got instead was an evening that felt more like a fact-checking marathon than a debate.
The moderators, David Muir and Linsey Davis, were tasked with keeping the conversation grounded in reality, but this proved to be easier said than done. Trump, in his signature style, made a number of bold claims, including that Democrats support “executing babies after birth” and that Ohio immigrants were “stealing pets for backyard BBQs.”
Muir and Davis jumped in at almost every turn, attempting to correct Trump’s statements in real-time. “Actually, Mr. President, that’s not accurate,” became the unofficial catchphrase of the night. Harris, meanwhile, largely avoided the same level of scrutiny, which led to accusations of bias from the right, while the left complained the fact-checking wasn’t aggressive enough.
The result? Both sides were furious. Conservatives slammed ABC for what they saw as a coordinated attack on Trump, while progressives argued the moderators failed to sufficiently hold Harris accountable for her record. Social media exploded, and the hashtags #BoycottABC and #FakeNewsMedia trended for days after the event. By the end of the night, it was clear that ABC was in a lose-lose situation.
Facing a public relations crisis of epic proportions, ABC executives scrambled to come up with a solution that would both calm the storm and protect the network’s reputation moving forward. An internal meeting was called to assess the damage and figure out the next steps. That’s when one executive reportedly suggested the unthinkable: fire the entire staff.
“At first, we thought they were joking,” said a former ABC employee, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “But then they started drafting the paperwork, and we realized, ‘Oh no, they’re serious.’”
The decision was swift and all-encompassing. Anchors, producers, researchers, fact-checkers, and even the guy who waters the plants were all shown the door. The message was clear: if you were involved in any way with the Trump-Harris debate, you were out.
One anonymous source inside ABC described the scene as chaotic. “It was like an apocalypse in slow motion. People were walking out with their desks in boxes, not knowing what hit them. Some didn’t even work on the debate—they just happened to be in the building.”
As news of ABC’s drastic move spread, public reaction was as divided as it had been after the debate itself. On one side, Trump supporters applauded the network’s decision to clean house, viewing it as an admission that they had been wrong in their handling of the debate.
“It’s about time the media faced consequences for their bias,” said one conservative commentator. “ABC was part of the problem, and this shows they finally realized it. Maybe next time they’ll think twice before trying to shut down free speech.”
On the other side, progressives criticized the network for what they saw as a cowardly response to legitimate journalism. “Firing your entire staff because you got some mean tweets is beyond ridiculous,” said one media watchdog. “This is a dangerous precedent for journalism, where networks cave to public pressure instead of standing by their work.”
The general public seemed caught somewhere in the middle. Many were confused about the decision and wondered if it signaled a broader trend in the media industry. “So, wait, they fired everyone just because people got mad?” tweeted one user. “What’s next, CNN fires all their anchors because someone doesn’t like the color of Wolf Blitzer’s tie?”
With no staff left to run the day-to-day operations, ABC finds itself in uncharted waters. While the network has already begun hiring replacements, many industry insiders are questioning how they plan to move forward without any veteran employees to guide the new hires.
There’s even speculation that ABC might ditch political coverage altogether, opting instead for safer, controversy-free content like cooking shows and reruns of America’s Funniest Home Videos. “We’re exploring all options,” said an unnamed ABC executive. “At this point, we just need to rebuild trust with our audience, and if that means steering clear of politics, so be it.”
Rumors have also surfaced that ABC is considering a radically different approach to future debates: no moderators at all. “If no one’s there to ask questions or fact-check, then there’s no controversy, right?” said the executive. “We could just let the candidates have a free-for-all and let the viewers decide what’s true.”
ABC’s unprecedented move has not gone unnoticed by its competitors. Other networks are reportedly watching closely to see how the public responds to ABC’s decision, with some wondering if they’ll have to adopt similar tactics in the future to avoid their own backlash.
“Firing everyone might be extreme, but it does send a message,” said one media analyst. “In today’s climate, networks are walking a tightrope between public opinion and journalistic integrity. ABC’s decision may be a sign of things to come if backlash continues to dictate how media operates.”
ABC’s decision to fire its entire staff amid the debate backlash is a dramatic reminder of the shifting landscape in modern media. As networks grapple with the demands of a divided public, they’re being forced to make difficult decisions that prioritize reputation over tradition. Whether or not ABC’s drastic move will pay off remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: in the world of 2024, even fact-checking can cost you your job.
NOTE: This is SATIRE, Not Real News.
