NEW YORK CITY — It’s the end of an era — and, according to some, the end of daytime television’s longest-running group therapy session. After nearly three decades of interruptions, hot takes, and perfectly timed sighs, The View is reportedly being cancelled, with Whoopi Goldberg recording what sources are calling a “passive-aggressively powerful” farewell episode.
“Yep. That’s it. We’re done. You’re welcome, America,” Goldberg allegedly said as the studio lights dimmed, raising a teacup to a visibly stunned audience while Joy Behar searched for her reading glasses under the desk for the third time that segment.
ABC has not formally announced the cancellation, but insiders claim the writing was on the wall when advertisers began pulling out in favor of less controversial options — like reruns of The Golden Girls and YouTube videos of paint drying.
Filmed behind closed doors earlier this week, Goldberg’s last appearance as moderator was described by production staff as “part eulogy, part roast, part existential crisis.” During the taping, Whoopi reportedly reflected on her years on the show, noting she had spent “more time arguing with Meghan McCain than most people spend in college.”
Sources say the farewell included a 12-minute monologue in which Whoopi offered life advice to the audience, including: “Never trust a politician, never microwave fish at work, and always assume someone on the panel has a vendetta.”
At one point, Goldberg allegedly stood up, looked directly into the camera, and said, “Barbara Walters didn’t die for this.”
The show’s downfall, analysts say, was not entirely unexpected. While The View had once thrived as a space for spirited discussion, recent seasons turned into a weekly cage match between mismatched ideologies and expired talking points.
“People used to tune in for healthy debate,” said media critic Lana Burns. “Now it’s just women yelling over each other about topics none of them researched — but with $500 haircuts.”
Viewer numbers reportedly plummeted after a series of segments titled things like “Why TikTok is Satan” and “Let’s Talk About Feelings But Make It Political.”
Throughout her run, Goldberg was known for her signature eye rolls, long sighs, and the ability to cut tension with a single raised eyebrow. She once famously brought a bell to the table, ringing it whenever the conversation veered off-topic — which, statistically, was 97% of the time.
“She was the glue that held the chaos together,” said one long-time crew member. “But even glue gets tired.”
Despite frequent calls for her to “retire with dignity,” Goldberg often reminded critics that she had an EGOT and could host a show in her sleep — and occasionally did.
Co-host Joy Behar, 81, allegedly didn’t realize the show was being canceled and believed the final taping was just a “mid-season break for knee surgeries and spa time.”
“She kept asking when the Halloween costume meeting was,” said a source inside the studio. “We didn’t have the heart to tell her the wigs aren’t coming back.”
Sunny Hostin, meanwhile, has reportedly already begun working on a podcast called “Let Me Finish My Point”, while Alyssa Farah Griffin has launched a GoFundMe to “survive without a camera in my face.”
ABC executives, when reached for comment, simply sent a GIF of a white flag. One anonymous executive explained, “We’ve been propping this show up for years. It was either cancel The View or let the Wheel of Fortune spin itself into eternity. Frankly, we flipped a coin.”
There are unconfirmed reports that ABC may replace The View with a daily hour of silent meditation and bird sounds. Working title: The Mute.
Online reaction has ranged from emotional goodbyes to outright celebration.
“I feel like I just got my mornings back,” wrote one X user. “I can finally drink coffee without hearing the phrase ‘Let me just say this’ every 30 seconds.”
Another posted: “Whoopi outlasted 73 co-hosts, 19 cultural shifts, and at least 4 network presidents. She deserves a statue. Or a nap.”
Still, others mourned the loss of the chaotic comfort the show provided.
“Where else can I watch five people disagree about everything, including whether the sun exists?” asked a viewer from Ohio. “It was like Thanksgiving with strangers.”
Though Goldberg has made no official announcement about her post-View plans, she hinted during the final taping that she might “just go read books in public libraries and scare people with unsolicited wisdom.”
There are rumors she’s developing a new show called “Shh… I’m Still Talking,” where she’ll monologue uninterrupted for 60 minutes while crocheting and judging passersby.
“I’m not done,” Goldberg reportedly said while exiting the studio for the last time. “I’m just done with this.”
NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.