Alex Bruno
In what can only be described as the ultimate nostalgia-fueled rebellion against the “woke” wave sweeping through modern culture, Vanilla Ice and Kid Rock have announced a joint venture that has fans both excited and bewildered. The duo, who ruled their respective corners of the music world decades ago, are gearing up for the “Woke is Whack” Fall US Tour—a series of shows that promise to bring back their classic hits, with a side order of pointed political commentary aimed squarely at cancel culture and all things “woke.”
Vanilla Ice, the rapper-turned-reality-TV-star, and Kid Rock, the rocker-rapper hybrid known for his no-holds-barred attitude, are hitting the road to not only perform their biggest hits but also to address what they believe is the suffocating environment of political correctness taking over society. According to them, it’s time to stop being polite and start getting real.
With a slogan like “Woke is Whack,” the tour is bound to spark plenty of controversy—and that seems to be exactly what they’re going for.
Vanilla Ice and Kid Rock may come from different musical backgrounds, but they’ve found common ground in their disdain for modern “woke” culture. Both artists made waves in the ’90s—Vanilla Ice with his ubiquitous hit “Ice Ice Baby” and Kid Rock with his genre-blending anthem “Bawitdaba”—but they’ve since reinvented themselves as pop culture rebels, railing against what they view as an oppressive and humorless societal shift.
“This tour is for all the people who feel like they can’t say or do anything anymore without being told they’re offensive,” Vanilla Ice said in a recent interview. “We grew up in a time when you could joke around, speak your mind, and not worry about being canceled. What happened to that? Where did the fun go? This tour is about bringing back the fun—and letting people know it’s okay to not be woke.”
Kid Rock, never one to shy away from controversy, echoed those sentiments. “Woke culture is just about controlling people’s thoughts,” he said. “It’s about making everyone conform to this idea of what’s ‘acceptable’ or ‘progressive,’ and if you don’t go along with it, they try to cancel you. Well, guess what? You can’t cancel me. And you definitely can’t cancel Vanilla Ice.”
The “Woke is Whack” tour is set to travel across the United States this fall, hitting major cities and small towns alike. With 30 dates on the schedule, the tour promises a mix of Vanilla Ice’s smooth, old-school rap and Kid Rock’s signature rock-rap hybrid. But the music is only half the show. Between songs, both performers plan to deliver speeches denouncing cancel culture, censorship, and what they see as the absurdity of modern “woke” thinking.
Rumor has it that the two artists are even collaborating on a new song called “Wake Up, Not Woke,” which will be the tour’s anthem. Though details are sparse, insiders suggest the track is a tongue-in-cheek takedown of virtue signaling and online outrage, with lines like “I’m tired of your hashtag wars, can’t even say what I’m thinking no more.”
Critics have already started to sharpen their knives, with many taking to social media to question the motivations behind the tour. Some see it as a desperate attempt by two fading stars to stay relevant by stoking political flames. Others view it as a genuine rallying cry for people who feel marginalized by the current cultural climate.
“You can call it what you want,” said Vanilla Ice in response to the backlash. “We’re not doing this to be edgy. We’re doing this because people are tired of being told what to think. This tour is for them. And if some people don’t like it? Cool. Stay home.”
For fans hoping to relive the glory days of ’90s music, the “Woke is Whack” tour won’t disappoint. Both artists have promised to perform their biggest hits—yes, “Ice Ice Baby” and “Cowboy” will be on the setlist—but they’ve also promised plenty of moments where the music stops and the talking begins.
Kid Rock, who has been known to deliver fiery political speeches mid-concert, is expected to double down on his anti-woke rhetoric. At a recent concert, he ranted about how “real Americans” were being silenced, leading some to speculate that his speeches will be a centerpiece of the upcoming tour.
“People are too afraid to speak up these days,” Kid Rock said in a promo for the tour. “They think if they say the wrong thing, they’ll get canceled or banned from social media. Not on this tour. We’re here to say what’s on our minds, and if that offends you, then this isn’t the tour for you.”
Vanilla Ice, while less known for his political outbursts, has hinted that he, too, will be vocal about his frustrations with today’s cultural landscape. “I’m not a political guy,” he explained. “But I’m tired of people being so sensitive. If you can’t take a joke or a little criticism, maybe you’re the problem. This tour is about bringing back the good vibes, not the woke vibes.”
Predictably, not everyone is on board with the “Woke is Whack” tour. Social media lit up with criticism as soon as the tour was announced, with many users accusing Vanilla Ice and Kid Rock of being out of touch with the times.
“Woke is whack? More like washed-up is whack,” one Twitter user quipped. Others questioned the duo’s motivations, suggesting that the tour was nothing more than an opportunistic cash grab aimed at capitalizing on political division.
Still, the tour has found an audience. Tickets are reportedly selling fast in several markets, and fans are excited to see two of the ’90s most recognizable names team up for what promises to be a unique—and possibly controversial—concert experience.
The “Woke is Whack” tour isn’t just about entertainment—it’s quickly becoming a flashpoint in the ongoing culture war. Supporters see Vanilla Ice and Kid Rock as unlikely champions of free speech and political incorrectness, while detractors view them as outdated relics clinging to their 15 minutes of fame by pushing divisive rhetoric.
Either way, the tour is bound to make headlines as it winds its way across the country. And if Vanilla Ice and Kid Rock have their way, it will leave a lasting impact—not just on the music scene, but on the cultural conversation as a whole.
“We’re not here to play it safe,” Vanilla Ice said. “We’re here to shake things up. And if that’s too much for some people, well, they can just stay home and watch the news. But I have a feeling there are a lot of people out there who are ready to have some fun again.”
Kid Rock added, “We’re giving a voice to the people who feel like they’ve been silenced. The ones who’ve had enough of the woke nonsense. If that makes us the bad guys, then so be it.”
Whether you’re there for the music or the message, the “Woke is Whack” tour is sure to be one of the most talked-about events of the year. So, dust off your old ’90s concert tees, brace yourself for some hot takes, and get ready to party like it’s 1999—without the fear of getting canceled.
NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not true.
This Story Was Contributed By Hawaii For President Trump’s Third Term
