In a stunning reversal that has left fans, critics, and sponsors equally flabbergasted, the NFL announced plans to reinstate the Washington Redskins name and logo, claiming it as an act of “cultural restoration” and a response to what league officials described as a growing backlash against “woke overreach.”
“We’ve heard the fans, we’ve read the tweets, and we’ve ignored every legal memo advising against this,” NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said at a hastily arranged press conference. “It’s time to honor tradition and give the people what they want—a return to the glory days of controversy-laden branding.”
The Washington Football Team, rebranded as the Washington Commanders in 2022, seemed to have closed the book on its contentious past. The Commanders name was introduced as a neutral alternative, designed to reflect strength and leadership while avoiding controversy.
However, fan polls, social media trends, and a suspiciously well-funded “Redskins Forever” movement suggested otherwise. “The fans never stopped chanting ‘Hail to the Redskins,’ even when it was awkward and off-brand,” said team owner Josh Harris. “We figured, why fight it?”
Sources inside the NFL say the decision wasn’t without its complications. “We had a brainstorming session about bringing back the name but with less offensive imagery,” said one insider. “Unfortunately, someone suggested a red-skinned potato mascot, and things went downhill fast.”
The NFL’s new slogan, “Tradition Over Wokeness,” is already stirring both admiration and outrage. Supporters argue that the move is a stand against “cancel culture” and a return to the league’s roots.
Critics, however, see it differently. “This is less about tradition and more about profit,” said cultural critic Linda Marks. “It’s like they looked at the dumpster fire of 2020 and thought, ‘You know what would make this better? Gasoline.’”
NFL executives have insisted that the name’s return will be accompanied by a “modernized, respectful redesign.” Preliminary sketches of the new logo were revealed at the press conference: a stylized helmet featuring a simple “R” encircled by a spear.
“Our new logo pays homage to history without causing offense,” said Goodell. “And if it does cause offense, we’ll just call it ‘nostalgia.’”
The team also promised to dedicate a percentage of proceeds from Redskins merchandise to Native American communities, though the specifics remain vague. “We’re thinking somewhere between 1% and… uh, a little more than 1%,” Harris said.
The announcement has reignited debates among fans. “Finally! This is the best day ever,” said longtime supporter and season ticket holder Earl Haskins. “My tattoo doesn’t look awkward anymore!”
Others are less enthusiastic. “I literally bought all new Commanders gear last year,” tweeted one fan. “Now I have to buy more? This feels like a pyramid scheme.”
Native American advocacy groups have condemned the move as tone-deaf and regressive. “This isn’t a win for tradition—it’s a slap in the face,” said Rebecca Strongbow of the Native Alliance for Equity.
Hollywood and sports personalities have also joined the fray. Actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson tweeted his support, calling the move “bold and iconic,” while musician Lizzo posted a video of herself facepalming, captioned, “2024 and THIS is where we are?”
Even former President Donald Trump chimed in on Truth Social, writing, “GREAT MOVE by the NFL! Redskins were ALWAYS the best name. Commanders? SAD! #MakeNFLGreatAgain.”
Corporate sponsors are reportedly divided. While some brands like Freedom Cigars and Patriot Energy have jumped on board, others are reconsidering their partnerships. Nike, which previously stopped selling Redskins merchandise in 2020, issued a cryptic statement: “We’re just here to sell shoes. Please don’t @ us.”
FedEx, whose name adorns the team’s stadium, has remained silent—a stark contrast to its vocal stance during the 2020 controversy. Insiders say the company is holding emergency meetings to decide whether to double down or discreetly distance itself.
One of the more nostalgic elements making a comeback is the team’s original fight song, Hail to the Redskins. The franchise plans to debut a remixed version featuring Kid Rock and Travis Tritt at their season opener.
“I was honored to be part of this historic moment,” Kid Rock said in a statement. “The NFL’s bringing back the grit, the glory, and the unapologetic patriotism we’ve been missing.”
Despite the backlash, the NFL seems committed to its decision. Goodell hinted at other “tradition-restoring” initiatives, including bringing back vintage uniforms for the Green Bay Packers and a reintroduction of the Oakland Raiders’ pirate mascot, complete with eye patch and slightly questionable grin.
“We’re not just bringing back names,” Goodell said. “We’re bringing back feelings. And those feelings might be anger, nostalgia, or confusion—but hey, at least they’re feelings.”
As the NFL barrels forward with its decision, the league’s future is as unpredictable as ever. For some, the return of the Redskins represents a victory for tradition. For others, it’s a glaring step backward in the fight for inclusivity and cultural sensitivity.
One thing is clear: love it or hate it, the NFL’s bold decision guarantees one thing—people are talking about football again. As Goodell wrapped up his press conference, he offered one final thought: “At the end of the day, it’s all about the game—and selling a ton of jerseys.”
NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.