In a dramatic and unprecedented show of discontent, two of Hollywood’s most prominent figures, Ellen DeGeneres and Whoopi Goldberg, have packed their bags and moved to England following Donald Trump’s reelection. Declaring, “We don’t like this America,” the duo has left behind their sprawling California estates and legions of fans to start anew across the pond.
The shocking announcement came in a joint Instagram Live session from Heathrow Airport, where Ellen and Whoopi, clad in oversized sunglasses and matching Union Jack scarves, explained their decision to leave. “This isn’t the America we worked so hard for,” Ellen began. “I’ve danced for kindness. Whoopi’s fought for justice. And now? We’re stuck in a rerun of a show nobody wants to watch.”
The decision to leave wasn’t spontaneous, the pair revealed. “We’ve been planning this for months,” Whoopi said, sipping a cup of tea that she noted “tastes better here.” “When we saw the writing on the wall, we knew we had to go. Staying just didn’t feel right anymore.”
According to sources close to the pair, Ellen and Whoopi have purchased adjacent cottages in a quaint English village known for its charming tea shops, cobblestone streets, and utter lack of MAGA hats. “It’s perfect,” Ellen said. “Nobody here asks who you’re voting for. They just want to know if you take milk in your tea.”
News of the move spread like wildfire, with Hollywood reacting in a mix of shock, admiration, and disbelief. “Ellen and Whoopi leaving America is like Beyoncé quitting music,” one stunned fan tweeted. “How do we even recover from this?”
The entertainment world’s elite chimed in as well. “I don’t blame them,” said actress Meryl Streep during an interview at a film premiere. “Sometimes, the best way to fight is to take a step back—and maybe a step across the Atlantic.”
Meanwhile, comedian Jimmy Kimmel quipped, “So, does this mean Ellen will be the new host of The Great British Bake Off? Asking for a friend.”
True to form, Donald Trump wasted no time addressing the celebrities’ departure during a rally in Florida. “Ellen DeGeneres and Whoopi Goldberg? Good riddance!” Trump declared to a roaring crowd. “They hate America? Fine, let them go to England. But guess what? England doesn’t want them either.”
Trump went on to suggest that their move was a publicity stunt. “These Hollywood types always want attention,” he said. “I’m not even sure they really left. Probably just hiding in their California mansions, pretending they’re sipping tea.”
As expected, the public’s reaction has been polarizing. Supporters of Ellen and Whoopi hailed their decision as a bold stand against political divisiveness. “They’ve done so much for this country,” one fan commented on Instagram. “If they need to leave to take care of themselves, we should respect that.”
Critics, however, were less forgiving. “So they’re just giving up?” one detractor tweeted. “Must be nice to have the privilege to run away while the rest of us stay and fight.”
Despite the backlash, Ellen and Whoopi appear to be embracing their new lives. The pair have already been spotted exploring the English countryside, shopping for antiques, and attending cricket matches. “We’re adapting,” Whoopi said in a recent interview with the BBC. “I even learned what ‘bangers and mash’ is, and let me tell you, it’s better than whatever’s happening in Congress.”
Ellen, ever the entertainer, has reportedly begun planning a new show titled Tea with Ellen, which will feature interviews with British celebrities, live music, and, of course, a tea-sipping competition. “Think of it as a talk show, but with more biscuits,” Ellen explained.
The duo’s exit is more than just a physical move—it’s a symbolic rejection of what they see as a fractured and hostile America. “We love our country,” Ellen said. “But right now, it’s like a bad relationship. Sometimes, you need space to heal.”
Whoopi echoed the sentiment, adding, “We’ve both spent decades fighting for equality, compassion, and common sense. But right now, it feels like we’re yelling into a void. Maybe from here, our voices will carry further.”
Their departure has sparked rumors that other celebrities might follow suit. Insiders suggest that Meryl Streep, Robert De Niro, and even Lady Gaga are considering international moves. “Ellen and Whoopi might just be the tip of the iceberg,” one source said. “Hollywood isn’t feeling very at home in America right now.”
Despite their strong words, both Ellen and Whoopi left the door open for a potential return. “Never say never,” Ellen said. “If America finds its kindness again, you might see me dancing through the streets of LA.”
Whoopi, however, was more hesitant. “It’s going to take a lot for me to come back,” she admitted. “Maybe if there’s a musical about it, I’ll consider it.”
As Ellen and Whoopi settle into their new lives in England, their departure leaves America grappling with a profound question: What does it say about the state of the nation when two of its most beloved cultural icons feel they can no longer stay?
For some, it’s a wake-up call. For others, it’s just another chapter in an already divisive era. But one thing is certain: wherever Ellen and Whoopi go, they’ll continue to inspire conversations—and probably a few tea parties along the way.
As Ellen succinctly put it in her farewell video: “Keep dancing, America. And if you can’t dance, at least sway a little. We’ll be watching—from a much quieter place.”
NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.