In a development that has NFL fans spitting out their Bud Light and reaching for their Twitter apps, Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin has reportedly signed a petition to permanently ban Puerto Rican reggaeton star Bad Bunny from performing at the Super Bowl halftime show.
The petition, which has already racked up more than 500,000 signatures in 48 hours, accuses Bad Bunny of being “too flashy, too confusing, and possibly a secret double agent for the salsa lobby.” Tomlin, usually the picture of stoic sideline focus, allegedly signed it with the same intensity he reserves for challenging pass interference calls.
“The Game Ain’t About Glitter, It’s About Grit”
According to anonymous insiders within the Steelers organization, Tomlin has grown increasingly frustrated with the NFL’s “off-field circus.” While he has never publicly commented on halftime performers in the past, this time he reportedly had enough.
During a private team meeting, Tomlin allegedly told his players: “We work 17 weeks, blood, sweat, and tears, and then they wheel out a guy wearing a puffer jacket made out of pool noodles to shout in Spanish? That’s not football. That’s performance art.”
One player, who asked not to be named, said the room erupted in applause. “Coach never talks about music, but when he called Bad Bunny ‘a TikTok with legs,’ we all lost it.”
The Petition
The petition itself, which is making the rounds on Change.org under the title “Keep Football American: No Más Bad Bunny,” lays out its case in brutal bullet points:
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Confusion Factor: “Nobody’s grandma should have to ask who’s on stage at halftime. If Nana can’t hum along, it doesn’t belong.”
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Wardrobe Issues: “Super Bowl stages are for leather jackets, not neon skirts made of tinfoil.”
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Patriotism Concerns: “Last time we checked, the Star-Spangled Banner doesn’t come with a reggaeton remix.”
Tomlin’s signature was spotted between those of Kid Rock and an unverified account named “RealGeorgeStrait1952.”
Fans React: America Divided Again
The internet wasted no time exploding with hot takes.
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Tomlin Supporters: Steelers fans praised their coach as “the last man standing for American football values.” One diehard fan tweeted: “Coach Tomlin is protecting the sanctity of the gridiron from glow sticks and salsa beats.”
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Bad Bunny Defenders: On the other side, reggaeton fans accused Tomlin of being out of touch. “Imagine being mad at someone for being too cool,” wrote one user. “Meanwhile your team’s offense can’t even find the end zone.”
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Confused Middle Ground: “Wait,” asked one man in Kansas City, “is Bad Bunny a rapper, a singer, or just a guy who sells those croc collaborations?”
Bad Bunny Responds
Bad Bunny, whose career thrives on chaos, responded to the controversy in the most Bad Bunny way possible: a cryptic Instagram story.
It featured a photo of Tomlin in his signature aviators with the caption: *“Coach, if you want to ban me, at least learn the words to ‘Tití Me Preguntó.’”
Minutes later, Bunny uploaded a teaser of a new track titled “Tomlin Don’t Dance” that already has 15 million plays on Spotify.
NFL’s Nightmare
League officials, who were hoping for a quiet run-up to Super Bowl LX at Levi’s Stadium, are reportedly panicking behind closed doors. According to sources, Commissioner Roger Goodell called an emergency Zoom meeting.
One exec allegedly warned: “If Tomlin gets his way, who’s next? Are we banning Shakira because she’s ‘too international’? Are we blacklisting Beyoncé for having too many wind machines?”
Another insider said the league is considering compromise solutions, such as allowing Bad Bunny to perform only in the parking lot during tailgates.
Tomlin’s “Cultural Critique”
Pressed for further explanation, Tomlin reportedly clarified his stance during practice. “Look, I’ve got nothing against Puerto Ricans. I respect Ricky Martin. I even respect J.Lo. But Bad Bunny? That’s a bridge too far. That’s a man who shows up dressed like a disco lamp and calls it art. You put him next to a football, and the football loses.”
He added: “This game is about steel, grit, and cold weather, not bubblegum beats and TikTok choreography.”
Steel City Weighs In
In Pittsburgh, reactions have been predictably intense.
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A local steelworker told reporters: “Tomlin’s right. Football’s American. If I want Spanish music, I’ll go to a salsa bar, not Heinz Field.”
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Meanwhile, a college student countered: “Bad Bunny is bigger than football. Honestly, half the stadium will be there for him, not the game.”
To prove her point, she held up a sign reading: “Steelers 7-10, Bad Bunny undefeated.”
Possible Fallout
Analysts warn that Tomlin’s move could have serious consequences. Some speculate the NFL may fine him for “conduct unbecoming of halftime entertainment policy.” Others suggest the league could retaliate by forcing the Steelers to have Pitbull perform live at every home game until morale improves.
There are even whispers that Bad Bunny might buy partial ownership of the Miami Dolphins just to spite Tomlin. One sports economist explained: “This isn’t just culture war anymore. This could become an arms race between reggaeton and country music, played out in NFL stadiums.”
A Battle for America’s Soul
As the petition continues to gain momentum, the controversy has morphed into yet another front in America’s endless culture wars. Pundits on cable news now debate whether football should remain “strictly American” or embrace “global diversity.”
One commentator summed it up bluntly: “It’s Friday Night Lights versus Friday Night Reggaeton.”
The Road Ahead
For now, Bad Bunny remains on the Super Bowl lineup, and Tomlin remains on the sideline, furiously scribbling plays on a clipboard that reportedly now includes the words “ban glitter.”
Whether or not the petition succeeds, one thing is clear: halftime shows may never again be just about music. They are now battlefields where cowboy hats clash with sequined jumpsuits, where tradition collides with TikTok trends, and where the question of who truly represents America looms larger than the Lombardi Trophy itself.
As one Steelers fan put it best: “I don’t care if it’s Bad Bunny, Kid Rock, or Barney the Dinosaur. Just win us a damn playoff game.”
NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.